Dear Coleen
My significant other and I share two young children, aged four and two, but our cohabitation is strained. Despite our love for each other, living together has proven challenging. We have noticed that taking some time apart improves our relationship, but tensions resurface once we are back under the same roof. The primary source of our disagreements stems from our differing parenting approaches. While he leans towards a traditional and strict style, I prefer a more relaxed and lenient approach, leading to frequent arguments.
Both of us are employed, adding to the daily struggle of balancing work and family life, often leaving us feeling fatigued and irritable. Recently, we have contemplated the idea of living separately while remaining a couple, a decision my mother views skeptically, expressing concerns that my partner may prioritize his own interests over childcare responsibilities.
I believe that having our own space is essential for both of us, which is challenging in our small home with two young children. Have you encountered other families navigating a similar living arrangement?
Coleen says
You inquired about couples with children living apart, a situation typically associated with divorce or separation. Differing parenting styles are a common issue among couples, often resulting in one partner being the disciplinarian while the other plays a more relaxed role. The demands of parenting, especially during the early years, can strain relationships, leading to the need for breaks to recharge and reset.
While taking breaks is beneficial, transitioning to separate living arrangements may pose long-term challenges. It is crucial to establish clear boundaries regarding the implications of living apart and assess its feasibility. Your mother’s concerns about your partner’s commitment to childcare post-separation are valid, emphasizing the importance of ensuring shared parenting responsibilities.
Consider the potential impact on your relationship dynamics, including feelings of resentment or jealousy, as well as the effects on your children’s perception of the situation. Reflect on whether this arrangement may resemble a form of separation or divorce in the eyes of your children.
Alternatively, you could explore options to strengthen your bond as a couple by arranging childcare and taking breaks together. Prioritizing shared experiences may offer a path to reconnecting and overcoming challenges as a team.
