On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were organizing and dividing four boxes of Christmas tree decorations. Kit, now living independently, wanted to set up her own tree. Unpacking these ornaments stirred up memories of loss and grief for me, as they represented the absence of children no longer with us during the holidays.
Our family had welcomed and said goodbye to 23 foster children over eight years. While most placements were temporary, our two children became part of our family through adoption. I was surprised to see that Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even for those she hadn’t met. It dawned on me that her holiday memories differed from mine.
As I uncovered a tree topper from our first Christmas together as newlyweds, I noticed the cracks on the iridescent angel. Despite being held together by Krazy Glue, our marriage didn’t survive. Passing the angel to Kit, I hesitated, unsure if she would want it in its fragile state. To my relief, her eyes sparkled beneath her reindeer hat, expressing her desire to keep it.
Reminiscing about wanting to place the angel atop the tree when she was younger, Kit’s laughter filled the room. It was a moment of growth and connection as we decided the angel would now adorn her tree. Another box revealed a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament, crafted by an eight-year-old foster child at a Christmas party years ago.
A mix of emotions washed over me as I recalled the social worker’s unsuccessful attempt to make him a permanent ward after spending five years in our care. The restrictions that followed prevented us from maintaining contact. Kit, sensing my emotions, took the ornament, sharing her fond memories of playing with it under the tree.
Our family traditions centered on inclusivity for foster children, scheduling our Christmas dinner around their family time. Each child received unique ornaments, symbolizing their presence in our lives. The Santa and reindeer ornament crafted by our foster son became a cherished keepsake among my decorations.
Unwrapping a reindeer ornament made of pompoms and googly eyes, memories of sharing ornaments during a past separation resurfaced. Kit’s reflection on the continuity of Rudolph on the tree, regardless of where she celebrated Christmas, revealed her deep understanding and resilience.
This year’s tree decorating holds a different promise for me, with Kit’s joyful spirit overshadowing any lingering sadness. I eagerly anticipate seeing her tree come to life with our shared memories.
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